this town don't feel mine

in my town of hibbing, minnesota. it feels different than other places. I grew up in Pengilly, Minnesota. Population of like 100. Average age, 100. The only rule was: don't piss off the old people. Otherwise, you can do whatever the fuck you wanted. We didn't have cops, maybe one trooper every month or so and when he come rolling in, the whole town knew about it. After pengilly, I moved up north to Theif River at the age of 22. Started a job at Digi Key which I took for granted as now I find myself searching and wanting parts that digi key sells. It was s good job. I put presure on myself and burnt myself out two years later. I discovered if I take another instant release Adderal, i could do more picks per hour. hence getting me promoted and eventually found a girl named ashley. but we aren't going to talk about her much. anyways, I worked in the JN bay which meant i was dealing with static electritiy sensitive products. I was even in a beta program for these things we had to wear on our shoes. my "straps" were different from everyones. I than got moved to a dry pack bay. Which is the most expensive bay on the floor. I was dealing with intels new CPUS the i7 which were priced at a few thousand. so in a tray, there would be like 20 cpus. and so an order would come in saying they wanted like 5 or 6. So I would go to where the product was in my bay, cut it open, than use suction pens because not allowed to touch as the oils on your skin can fuck up the product. anyways. when I got an order, it would take me about 20 mins. normally in a bay like JN, it would take me seconds to mions if digireel. I actually met these high up japanese executives. they shook my hand which was cool. the only problem once was I mis counted and it was a japan order so it had to be perfect because they don't pay to ship it back, digikey has to pay i guess. One day I remember driving to drop SHeena's kids off at daycare. I remember looking at Ashley and saying, today isn't goin to be a good day. I just felt it. I clocked in and began working. around first break. I just said fuck it. clocked out and walked out. my managaer called me and actually begged for me to stay since I had high picks and low errors. got along with everyone and didn;t bullshit. well, i was put on FMLA but I didn't know you had to call everyday. so I was fired. a few months went by and ashley and I were living in this single storied house. than her sister got divorced and moved in with her two girls. this house was tiny. 3 adults, 2 girls below the age of 3. two little fucking rat dogs, than myt scout. scout was stressed and had to be in his little kennel all day. i hated seeing him in there. scout isn't like that hes such a puppy. anyways he hated those chiwahas. Sheena was hot as fuck. There was always people over at ourt house. One day it all came down. After this bad snow storm. i remember shoveling the driveway and there was 7 feet of snow from the plow. and it was hard. well when I got done with that, ashley told me to get out. I found out why later but I spent a few days at aunty brendas. where I literally just slept. eventually got enough stregnth and move me and scout back down to pengilly. I walk into this house I grew up in. 22 years and I walk in and my moms stuff is all gone. they got a divorce just months before. oh but than my dad says to sell all the rest of moms stuff. oh and don';t tell anyone that dad is having a friend over.I began to drink. I found xannies and brandy helped me sleep and forget shit. so much i would forget I would throw up at night and destroy my room. onlyh to clean it up the next day. Well one nightr, i said I was going to kill myself on facebook. i dont remember it at all because I was blacked out. I remember waking up to the cops. than the next morning i was researching treatment places than the next day I was on my way to Hazelden. small town boy ploppled in the biggest city in the state. no stars. didnt know anyone. no small town friendlys. just stern straight faces. i cried. hated it.